To Capitulate or to Rebuff
by TomatoScones
Summary: Vexen's past feelings follow him into the next life and refuse to be let go. It continues to pry at him; making his thoughts sway on the situation. Honestly, it's a make or break. The title basically means: To give in or to deny. M for language and rather tragic situations. Pairing: Xigbar/Vexen (Please pardon any minor spelling errors.)
1. Tread Lightly

**AN: **I hope you enjoy this rather sad story considering I needed to take a break from it off and on from mental heart break. Please do note that any time I mention a nobody blushing or feeling, it's figurative and not literal- More of a memory they have that creates those feelings and actions. I'll upload the next chapter in 2-weeks, but only if I can get a total of **one review** (whether constructive or general nice criticism) and **one favorite****.** I'll wait a long time if I have to. And please try to understand when the story flips from Vexen and Even; although I try and make it greatly obvious.

I based the style (falling in love then trying to forget it later in life no matter how provoked you are) from Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi, which is a really good, sad, yet realistic yaoi anime. It's worth a watch! The characters belong to Kingdom Hearts and Square Enix.

**Thank you for reading!**

* * *

_How long has it been… since that day?_

Radiant Garden was their home. Even started his apprenticeship at a young, teen age under the supervision of Ansem- later referred to as Wise Master. Soon after Dilan and Aeleus came… _he_ showed up.

Even's cheeks turned rosy at the sight of him. Only three years apart, Braig was so handsome for twenty-two years old. However, he wasn't about to let this be known. He continued his science and only watched the other from a far. But his heart continued to linger.

One day, Even needed to see Ansem to discuss research permission. Upon hearing a voice on the other side of the door, he waiting. The rule was to usually leave, but hearing Braig's voice- leaving was not an easy option.

"I suppose you are up to it?" Ansem asked in a husky voice. In response, Braig said, "Of course. A few days away for... The love of discovering." He was really trying to sugar coat the enjoyment of leaving.

Even stood there. Leaving? Where? When? How long? Why? The questions were interrupted by the click of the door. "Oh, hey..." the voice spoke. The first greeting- ever. His cheeks burned as he stuttered out, "Hello.." _Bump, bump._

Braig applied his hand to his shoulder. "I'm sure you heard about my jank field trip. Lame." _Bump, bump._ He raised an eyebrow at the other. "Even?" _Bump, bump._ His name never sounded so great. "I, wish you could stay." Even muttered out loud; his heart beats were much louder than his voice. He was so embarrassed and was trying to avoid the other's eyes. Braig looked the older man with an arched eyebrow. "Why is that?"

_Why? Because I..._ "Because I love you." Even said unconsciously. It only took him a second to realize what he had said. "Wa,wait, I... I mean-!" He was caught off by a light pair of lips gently laying against his. Eyes wide, he stood in shock; unable to move or react.

"I'll be back, don't worry." Braig said as he moved away. His hand was stuffed into his pocket as he began to walk; his other hand raised into the air as a good-bye. Even watched diligently at every detail. But what was that? A kiss? The likeliness was very low and yet- it happened.

* * *

What else was he supposed to do? The new apprentice was out of control. Even had to take the blade before it hit Ienzo. His body lay on the computer room floor; helpless and disintegrate. His eyes blurred- his hear gone.

Braig came running into the room after seeing a fainter Aeleus and Dilan earlier. The first sight was Even and Ienzo; dead. He checked the computer in a rush to discover what could have been the cause. Xehanort stumbled around with a limp.

"Hey!" Braig worded with worry and surprise. "Is this how you wanted it?" No response from the other. "Xehanort, want to fill me in?" A striking blade appeared with the hand of the apprentice. "I am..." He muttered. The guard took a step back. "Hey! Do you remember now or..." Braig started, then really thought about the situation at hand. Leaning forward to confront, he spoke. "Wait, did you never lose your memory?"

Xehanort took a charge at the other a bit awkward then swiftly. The keyblade stabbed right into Braig's heart. "That's not my name." His voice said rather calmly. "I'm not Xehanort."

Braig twitched desperately to five way. One last time, he held out his hand; hoping his old friend could save him. All visible light dimmed and his eyes flowed shut. With the heart released, he fell to the floor and his body began to decay into the air. All was lost. It was all gone.

* * *

It has been ten years since that day...

Vexen worked in the dark room with different chemicals scattered along the table. His plan was to find a more efficient way to heal up during a battle; since potions were rather weak and only lasted so long. A vial of bright blue was poured into a flask of red. Stirring it gently, he took it over to a hurt shadow.

If the shadow were to try and break free, it was a successful experiment. Vexen lightly poured an ounce into a small slit known as the 'mouth'. At first, it was normal. Suddenly, the heartless bursted into a rage; violently pulling at it's shackles. As soon as it had came, the moments came to a direct halt. The heartless became one with atmosphere as it was 'dying'. The experiment had failed.

"Dammit.." The blonde muttered and took off his goggles. He headed out his door to report the findings to the boss. _Xemnas might have my head this time... _He thought. The nobody usually has to make up for his failures; the worse is cleaning the lavatory he wished never was. The hall was quiet and peaceful-much to Vexen's enjoyment. He always like the silence. There was too many loud mouths; Demyx and Axel being the worst offenders. And then there was _him._

A black hole appeared from the ceiling and a former friend popped his head out. Xigbar, with his usually smirk. "What's with the long face, horse? Break another subject?" His voice spat out in a rude way, followed by a chuckle. He pulled out of the hole fully and dropped below to the floor. "I hope you get to wash the floor."

Vexen glared at him."Such a nuisance. I was on the way to a ground-breaking discovering." He snubbed his nose up in the air; talking in a rather snooty tone. It seems that ever since they lost their hearts and joined the Organization, Xigbar had been very sarcastic and rude; to Vexen especially.

It was still confusing. Did they not kiss? What did it mean? The timing seemed too late to ask. For the longest time, Even thought it meaning a strange phenomenon people called 'dating'. However, they never did anything. When they kissed was the first and last time they had spoken- practically interacted with one another. But it's not his fault Braig had to leave so suddenly.

_I have got to stop thinking about it... _Vexen thought back to the reality that was now. Braig was gone and any form of love with it. He begun to walk away, for staying there would bring nothing but bad memories- destined to be forgotten.

"Hey!" Xigbar called to him, but didn't run after. His eyebrow quirked up. He mumbled to himself,"Who pissed in your cereal?"

* * *

As fate would have it, Vexen was down on the ground scrubbing the floors. _Stupid Xemnas... Stupid Xigbar._ He dipped his rag into the bucket of yuck water and ringed it out. Bending over once more, he pushed the rag up and down the floor; amazed at how much dirt such an empty place could produce. He sat up and gripped his back; he was getting too old for this.

Flower pedals fell down in front of him. "..Marluxia, is it your goal to make my life a living hell?" He glared up at the pink haired man. He was probably his biggest enemy; for actual reasons unknown.

The other man gave a chuckle. "Why, you know me so well. So like you, old man." He teased in his common monotone voice. That always set Vexen off. He dropped a few more petals onto the ground. "I see you messed up again. Conventional." He muttered.

Vexen growled. "Oh, pish posh! Leave me alone, you ignoramus!" He continued to scrub the floor in hopes of ignoring him. As Marluxia said, "Is that anyway to treat your before.?", he spat with an enormous amount of frustration, "You're not my boyfriend! That's just disgusting!"

"Yes, that's right. That's you and, what was he called? Ah, Xigbar."

"No!"_ At least, not anymore._ "Never! Nor anyone! I'm fully dedicated to my research." Vexen grew red and looked away. He wondered exactly when he's stop lying to himself, but he had his pride! Marluxia rolled his eyes. "As you say." Dropping more petals, he began to walk off. Vexen threw his rag in fury. The nerve of that delinquent and his assumptions, he though. The sound of footsteps made him turn around. "What now!?"

Xigbar walked into the room. "Calm down, Rhino. No one drowned your goldfish." He moved towards a nearby supply closet as he spoke, rummaging around. "Where are the tissues?" He stepped out and faced the other. "He should have given you stock duty. Watching you down there is a bit pitiful."

Vexen glared a bit. "We don't 'pity', so cut the crap." Why does he always do that. Vexen loves feelings and being able to feel is something he shows through doing science. However, he knew everyone else had it absent as well, so anything Xigbar 'felt' was entirely a lie. Xigbar gave a smug smile. "That may be so, but you should be only bending down like that if we're-" He was cut short by a rag hitting him square in the face. He peeled it away and asked, "What?"

"No harassment in the work place; particularly that." Vexen blushed a bit as he looked over away. _What an idiot..._ He thought, _teasing about such ignorant subjects._ He looked down more. Would he have thought the same thing ten years ago? Hearing the other shift, he looked up to see the other situating himself on the ground next to him.

A sort of noise mixed between a laugh and a hurt tone escaped the man's lips. "Sure you say that.." Xigbar leaned closer to the other. "But is that what Even says?" The question came out so easily- As if almost in a manner of making Vexen fall for some sick joke.

"Completely irrelevant," The blonde stated as he folded his arms. "Nothing then changes now." This was bad. What was he to do? Lying wasn't a talent he had or a hobby he particularly enjoyed. However, he had to. _I won't let him catch me now..._

Xigbar ran his fingers though some strands of the other's hair. No, this was really bad. "Have you already forgotten?" He asked. "Ten years ago, when you said you-" A hand covered his mouth. His eyebrow quirked up.

What was he to do? This feeling was terrible- So nostalgic. Vexen hated it. "No.. No such thing, Xigbar. That was then; this is now." He said rather quickly, as his head lowered to his reddening cheeks. Did this mean he still loved him? _Impossible, not with him! _If they were somebodies, he'd say it again and would hope it'd be the same. But Braig never did say it back. A kiss can virtually mean nothing. That was why his grip was so firm; he knew the man would laugh and tease.

Trying his hardest, Xigbar managed to pry his hands away. "Hey, Vexen! Hello, still Braig here!" Then again, he was missing a very essential part to be his old self. "Vexen, I-"

_Think you'll never catch up to my league. Haha, your love means nothing- it never did._ Vexen got up and began to stride away. His sense of hearing was blocked by his pounding thoughts. Assumptions or not, this was the real life. Where all you loved to do was to crush someone else. _I am such a fool..._


	2. Misunderstanding Can Corrupt

**AN: **Sorry if this one was incredibly short. However, if I continued it, it would have gotten way worse. You'll see what I mean next chapter. I'll upload the next chapter in 2-weeks, but only if I can get a total of **one review** (whether constructive or generally nice criticism) and **one favorite.** I'll wait a long time if I have to. Though it might take a bit, due to finals coming up.

The characters belong to Kingdom Hearts and Square Enix.

**Thank you for reading!**

* * *

Vexen tossed and turned that night. He didn't care the increasing punishment he'd get for not finishing his chore; his mind wasn't working right, anyway. In bed around midnight, he thought he should apologize to Xigbar for abruptly leaving, but then request the other not to ever bring _that_ up again. After all, they're two men. Not to mention Vexen was too into his studies to do anything. His next task was to apply physics into going to worlds faster with the portals- which would definitely take up his was he thinking about his? He'd _never_ date that delinquent. He's too old; they're men! Nobodies, in fact! It's a shame that his mind often steered his life.

Dreams are memories, alternate endings, and regrets coming to haunt you. All of which he constantly dreamed of. That their day together was concretely sealed into his mind. That the image of the two with hearts and being together would continue to flicker and howl like a coyote dancing with fireflies under a full moon. But most of all, that yesterday was a mistake. What was Xigbar trying to say? He'd never know unless he was there- And he might never get the chance again. It was settled. Tomorrow, he just might be entirely honest.

* * *

Since there was always tasks that needed to be done, focusing on necessities was difficult. Eating being on of these tasks. After lack of consumption in three days, Vexen's stomach began to ache and quiver. He had the time now, after all. Maybe some liver chunks in tomato soup would calm his hunger for awhile. He walks down the hallway; the growling of his empty body body echoing loudly. It was about six 'til ten in the morning, so he had a lack of worry about anyone being in there. Yet, he proves himself into a jinx every time.

Among the island that held a mixture of nuts and dried fruit was the obnoxious Nocturne. To make matters worse, Xigbar was in the mix. Smiling and laughing; fake for sure. The young man looked over. "Yo! Finally crawled out of your hole?" Demyx welcomed with a laugh. "Me and Lux were making bets o whether you were dead or not."

_Luxord and I._ Language arts may not have been Vexen's strong point, but that of a young man should know better. "Pardon my humble intrusion, but I'm here to make something. Chats should be regularly held in the Grey Area." Vexen spoke; the tone being that of nervous, yet rather matter-of-factly. Looking over at the duo, Demyx had a bit of a bummed look.

"Come on, with Larxene out there? We might as well just hand ourselves." He sighed. He was a big baby like that. Then with a peer more towards the out, Xigbar's eye laid in the elders direction. With a hand holding up his head, he gave a rather bored look. "Well," He suddenly said, stretching, "I got a theory to test. Catch you later." Xigbar left, waving one hand in the air and the other one in his pocket.

_Damn, how he looked pleasant doing that._ Vexen shook his head back into reality. He raised a brow at the young one's dreamy look towards the door. "He's so cute." He heard Demyx say sing-song like. What did he mean 'cute'!? And why was he staring? Not like it particularly mattered or involved Vexen what so ever. Nevertheless, it would be a bit amusing to ask. "What, are you two dating?" Vexen pondered aloud, followed by a chuckle. He made his way to the fridge and scanned it's insides.

Demyx smiled. "Yeah, something like that."

Vexen dropped the can of soup he had grabbed; rushing down to pick it up. What was with the sudden envy? Not that he could truly feel it.. but it was certainly there; lingering in his thoughts. "That's... nice." He lied. _It's horrible, _He thought. _Simply disgusting. _The brain inside his head started to throb with memory of jealously. He placed the can on the island next to Demyx and left. His appetite diminished. He stumbled his way down the hall; feeling of a thousands thorns of darkness pulled his body and pierced his soul. Gloom shrouded his being.

This was an absent heart-ache. The terrible feeling without the tears and physical pain. Even would have his eyes red, but they couldn't know. Something deep down was tearing his deep and inner soul piece by piece. However, now he didn't have to apologize. He didn't have to involve himself with Xigbar- the absent minded reasons vanished. Any feelings for, as he'd say, that idiot had transferred out. Still, he was kind of sad. He'd know Braig for awhile, so Demyx wasn't that special.. right? It's over now. Yet, deep down, he had a feeling it would slowly creep back up to him. But when?

Zexion came towards the elder. "Vexen, I need you to-" The short man began to ask, but was interrupted by Vexen brushing past. Everything now was blank. He couldn't take it.


End file.
